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Heroic Will and YOU!

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Heroic Will and YOU!

Postby Andolie » Sat Mar 17, 2012 5:25 pm

Sadly I can not claim this as my own as it was one of my fellow droods in guild that wrote it, but I laughed so hard that I thought I'd share.

Btw-I'm not posting all of it just yet. If ppl like it and want me to post the rest, I gladly will. :)
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Heroic Ultraxion is a Hardmode fight that is of medium difficulty (at least on 25Hman, on 10H man he’s a bit easier).

Some people claim that the main cause of difficulty in this fight is a tough enrage timer (even with only 5 healers and a 10% HP nerf, a 25-man raid can easily hit his enrage timer if all dps are not maximizing their output). However, this is not the most difficult part of the fight.

The most difficult part of the fight is pressing your button.

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In this guide, I will do my best to explain my personal button-pushing strategy. I will admit, when I first started working on Heroic Ultraxion, I failed to push my button on more than one occasion. Sometimes I failed in NOT pushing my button (that is, I pushed it too soon). However, once I developed this button-pushing plan, I soon found myself with one of the highest survivability rates of the entire raid. Observe: http://www.worldoflogs.com/reports/rt-e ... boss=55294

I will break this process down so that even the most pants-on-head raider can understand the process. Soon, you will be a button pushing master as well.

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What to expect when you’re expecting (to push your button)

As with many things in life, the first step to overcoming poor button pushing is admitting you have a button pushing problem. Many people will try and make excuses for their poor button pushing:

- They had lag/latency
- They pushed their button, honest, they did, the game must be broken
- They were going to push their button but then their cat caught on fire and they couldn’t
- They’re usually healer for this fight so they’re not used to pushing a button
- Blizzard hates paladins and actually made it harder for them to push the button as punishment


You may have your own excuse as to why you died. But you have to look inside yourself and come to terms with the fact that you’re just not good at pushing buttons.

Close your eyes. Relax your breathing. Ask yourself, “Am I really doing my very best to push my button?” Now be honest with yourself. No one else is listening. There, inside your heart, where your inner raider lives, you can hear the quiet answer: “No.”

If you can admit this, you are ready to take the second step towards become a more better button pusher.

If you can’t admit this, what are you, a bottom street stupid dweller?

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Re: Heroic Will and YOU!

Postby Tinderhoof » Mon Mar 19, 2012 2:11 am

Love this. On our first kill I died from pushing my button 1 second early for fading light and came out just in time to die. Thankfully he was dead in the next few seconds so I didn't wipe the raid by doing it.

Post the rest of the comic.

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Re: Heroic Will and YOU!

Postby Andolie » Mon Mar 19, 2012 2:41 pm

I know just how you feel! We never had issue with the dps requirements, but we had issue with ppl pressing/not pressing their button. A certain hunter and paladin in our raid come to mind instantly.... /shudder.

So just for you Tinder:

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Queue the classic rock, it’s time for a montage.

Now that you’ve admitted to yourself that you aren’t a good button pusher, you may want to jump right in there again and practice at doing it better.

Slow down there champ! Rome wasn’t built in a day!

Take a step back, and come on over to Kaieye’s Gym for People Who Don’t Push Buttons Good and Want to Learn to Do Other Things Good As Well.

The key part of pushing your button is training the muscles in your fingers.

First, I recommend you invest in some finger weights.
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Now, I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t finger cardio enough? Couldn’t you just play piano for a while, or type an essay?

No.

Finger cardio might be a good way, along with a clean diet (I recommend the Paleo diet personally) to cut down on finger fat, but the only way to start building lean finger muscle is to use weights.

But wait, you may be thinking, I’m a female raider. I don’t want gross bulky fingers! I shouldn’t lift finger weights.

This is a common misconception. Women do not naturally get bulky when they lift finger weights – you’d have to throw some hormones or steroids into the mix to get that professional finger-builder shape to your fingers. So don’t worry – your fingers will simply end up lean and sexy.

Once you have your finger weights, there are a couple of exercises I can’t recommend highly enough. The first is the finger squat.

Relax your fingers and rest them lightly on the ground. Then, keeping your palm parallel with the ground, bend all of your fingers until your palm is nearly touching the ground. Then straighten your fingers back again. Now, this is a difficult exercise for someone who has never done them, especially if you’re using weights. The key is to make sure to straighten your fingers BY THEIR OWN EFFORT ALONE – if you’re using your arm muscles, you’re just wasting your time.

Another great exercise is the finger curl. Lay your hand flat on the ground with your palm facing upwards, and do this exercise one finger at a time. Curl the finger up until the top touches your palm, then relax it back until it’s flat. When you start out you may need to brace your other fingers to stop them from moving as well – make sure you’re only doing one at a time!

As for a workout plan, I recommend a 5x5x5 for the finger squats – 5 sets of 5 reps, with a 5 minute break in between each set. I recommend doing three reps of each finger curl with a break once you’ve done all ten fingers, and then repeat for a total of three times.

Oh, and make sure you’re staying hydrated and eating plenty of protein!

You’ll have amazing fingers in no time.
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Baby I swear, this never happens to me. I usually last a lot longer before I push my button

Okay now that you have a strong foundation, you’re ready to work on your button pushing timing.

Don’t push your button too late

I don’t mean to take you away from your personal time making out with the floor, but if you push your button too late, you will die.

When you see that timer, don’t think to yourself, “Pfft, I have plenty of time to press my button. Let me just get a couple of more casts on oh wait never mind I’m dead.”

That’s right, you’re dead. You still think it’s cool to wait to push your button? No. It’s not cool. No matter what your friend Jimmy the Orc down the street says. Getting that extra cast in isn’t going to help us because you’ll die, and then your dps will be low. And ladies, you all know what low dps means in a man. That’s right: he has a small penis.

Don’t forget your button or everyone will know you’re hung like a lightswitch.

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Oh and ladies, as long as you try your hardest that’s all that matters. Pushing your button is hard when you’re trying to push it all the way from the kitchen. If you fail to push your button, try saying “Tee hee whoops! I spilt water alllll over my shirt and got distracted.” This will give you a pass. If you fail to push your button more than once, you may have to actually spill water all over your shirt and then take pictures. Feel free to send them to Kaieye first for constructive criticism.

Okay, now once you’ve mastered not hitting your button too late, we really separate the wheat from the chaff: there are two types of people who don’t hit their button too late: those who push it on time, and those who push it too early.

Don’t push your button too early.

So you think you can avoid being socially castrated by pressing your button as soon as you see anything that looks vaguely like a timer on your screen.

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WRONG.

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Pushing your button will

1. Get you killed on Fading Light if you get more than a 5 second debuff
2. Lower your overall dps.


If you think either of these two things are acceptable, you clearly haven’t been reading this carefully.
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Ways to practice your timing

The best way to practice your button pushing timing is to become a contestant on Jeopardy. When you watch Jeopardy, you might think to yourself “Hey, I know the answers to these questions, I should be on the show and win the money!”

You think the hardest part of that game is the questions?

GTFO.

The hardest part is your buzzer. If you press the buzzer too early, it doesn’t register. If you press it too late, that slightly overweight red-headed teacher with a collection of antique toothpaste bottles and a heart of gold standing next to you is going to buzz in first. It’s just like Ultraxion.

So go be on Jeopardy. Keep doing it until you are the final champion and they pit you against the robot. Then give up, ‘cuz come on, of course a robot can be better at timing a button push than you.

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FALSE. Do not give up. Robots have one weakness: they cannot feel love, and therefore don’t really benefit from winning the money. You just have to want it more, and you will defeat the robot.

Once you have defeated Watson, you will be ready to push your button in Ultraxion.

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Don’t stop believing (in your ability to push your button)

Okay, the time has come. The group is on the platform. Vert couldn’t put a feast on a pillar because his cooking is too low. Three people fell off and died and ran back. The time to push your button is here.

First, free yourself from distraction.

If your cat is susceptible to flames, lock him in the bathroom and keep the shower running.

Down that glass of Drink of kings, because staring at it for 5 minutes 45 seconds is going to drive you mad, and it only takes 1 second of drinking Drink of kings to fail to press your button.

Tell the people in your house they can’t use the microwave.

Throw all the ladies out of your room. I don’t know what they were doing in there to begin with. You clearly don’t raid in the kitchen.

Now.

Focus on your breathing. Tell yourself, “this is the moment I have been waiting for.” You’ve trained, you’ve practiced, you are ready for this.

Watch your timers.

The timer comes. Look at the timer, watch it tick.

Then.

Press.

Your.

Button.






There. I knew you could do it.

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There are many advanced button pushing strategies as well, including:

1. Not pressing your button because it's your turn to soak
2. Having to press another button after you don't press your button so you have a defensive CD and you don't die


We will cover this in next week's course for advanced learners.


Now that you know how to push your button, you may find many uses of button pushing in every day life! Calling a friend on the phone will be easier. You may find yourself finally able to take a screenshot! You can use the advanced resevrse-button-push so we don't accidentally hear everything you're saying in Vent because you're holding your PTT button down without realizing it.

The possibilities are limitless - the only thing hold you back...

Is you.

If you can dream it, you can press it!
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Posts: 29
Joined: Thu Mar 24, 2011 2:31 pm

Re: Heroic Will and YOU!

Postby Andolie » Wed Mar 21, 2012 10:57 pm

Oh, I wish I could write that well. My talents lay in other domains, but I will pass the word along. :D
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Re: Heroic Will and YOU!

Postby ahmad103 » Wed Sep 12, 2012 1:27 am

nice post...........................

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Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2012 6:36 am

Re: Heroic Will and YOU!

Postby Nyge » Wed Sep 12, 2012 11:01 am

Hahah, that is fantastic!

I shall share this with my guild forthwith!

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